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God can use your story...

Having you ever been in conversation with someone, and at one point realised “I haven’t been listening to anything they have said!” Probably hard to imagine, I know. But it does happen. And it can easily happen when you’re wanting to tell your story to another.

The problem is that sometimes we’re so focussed on what we want to say, and how we want to get it right, that we just don’t concentrate on what the other person is saying. When you have something really important to say, you’re busting to get it out, your focus in on what you want to say to them, and not on what they are saying to you.

Physiology helps us here. You have two ears. You have one mouth. Use those things in that proportion! Put twice as much effort into listening than talking. When you do, you’ll be demonstrating that what your friend says really matters, that you value their opinion (even though you may not share it). Good listening says “you matter to me!”

Some parts of the conversation are going to be more meaningful than others. We’ll nearly always start with ‘small talk’ and then ease into more significant areas. You’ll need to listen for the changes in the conversation that tell you you’re moving into more important stuff.

This is where it’s important to ask really good questions. Some of my favourites are

·         So, how does life work for you?

·         Do you think life is working the way you thought it would be at this stage of your life/given what you’ve just been saying/given what you’re going through?

·         What helps you in this situation? What holds you back?

·         How do you cope?

Then listen for key words like

·         Struggle, pain, hardship, disappointment, hurt, grief

·         Joy, happiness, hope, future, excitement, confidence

Once you’re talking about that sort of stuff, and if you think the timing is right, you’ll then be able to say “Can I tell you how it works for me?” and you can go on to talk about the difference following Jesus makes for you. It probably won’t be the same situation you face, and be careful about imposing your understanding on their situation (“Hey, I know it might be different for me…”). See, when you talk about the difference Jesus makes you’ll be sharing some of the most meaningful realities in your life with the other person. And my guess is they may be inclined to listen to you because you have listened to them.

The best way to have people listen to your story is for you to have listened to theirs!

Coming up: Pace yourself

Feedback: dave@redlandscrc.org.au